I knew this, too.

It's official. Samantha and I are "just friends." I have to say it stings like hell, given how much I truly do love her, but I guess I'll have to adjust. Adjust to never kissing her again. To never hearing her sigh in joy as we cuddle. To never being able to introduce her as "my better half." I guess I'll just have to get used to it, I suppose.

Pass the Guinness.

I knew it!

Apparently I'm fickle.

As she sits with me, I cannot help but feel at peace--
Her breaths, soothing and rhythmic, in step with mine.
She lets out a sigh, a giggle, and rests her head on my shoulder,
The long, silken threads of her hair resting on my chest.
The flower-touched scent of her hair is nearly overwhelming,
And I cannot help but give in.
A small kiss on her forehead, and she smiles in approval.
Looking in to her eyes, I cannot see the future,
Nor do I care for the past.
I only know one thing—I love her.


Yes, if it's hard to decode, I wrote this about Samantha...in a way for Samantha. While my rational mind reads all the clues, and knows that I've driven her away...the heart wants what it wants. Even with how "clingy and badgering" I act--and how I know deep in my gut instinct that she's lost interest in me and is afraid to say it--all I am is a scared, vulnerable little boy who's been once more thrust in to the one emotion he always tries to deny. Will this work out? Not likely. When will it end? Place your bets. She is so hard to read that I honestly couldn't tell you how she feels about all this...except that the feeling is most likely not mutual.

However...I know in my heart that I love Samantha, and I will continue to love her as long as she will let me.

>.<

Apparently, when I'm sitting around eating lunch, my hair still dripping from a shower, it means "I want to do yardwork."

Apparently, instead of actually spending time with me, the woman I'm trying to date would rather work double shifts at a job she HATES.

Apparently, instead of having a full young life, I'm destined to be so fucking aware of my mortality that I never leave the house.

Apparently, I'm Fate's personal toilet.

Apparently, I'm better off dead.

My Stupidity Knows No Bounds

I am such a fool. As I attempt to get close to a woman whom, in a very short period of contact, I have grown quite fond of...I keep fucking up. One moment everything can be fine and jovial, and we can truly be enjoying our conversation, and the next moment I have a moron attack. It just boggles my mind how I can go from "romantic and sweet" to "crass" at the drop of a hat. I truly am a fool. Why must I open my mouth when peaceful silence suffices? Why must I always take that one step too far in a conversation? Why must I fly off the handle at every misconception? I always knew there was a thin line between bravery and stupidity, but it seems there is also one between passion and folly.

I should just enjoy things for what they are, but instead...I'm stupid. I only pray she has the patience of a saint. She needs it.

Be educated.

Dragostea Din Tei--O-zone (English lyrics)
Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-huu
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-haha [These are just sounds]

Hello [on a cellphone], greetings, it's me, an outlaw,
I ask you, my love, to accept happiness.
Hello, hello, it's me, Picasso,
I sent you a beep [cellphone signal], and I'm prepared,
But you should know that I'm not asking for anything from you.

You want to leave but you don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want don't want to take me.
Your face and the love from the linden trees,
And I remember your eyes.

I call you [over the phone], to tell you what I feel right now,
Hello, my love, it's me, your happiness.
Hello, hello, it's me again, Picasso,
I sent you a beep [cellphone signal] and I'm prepared,
But you should know that I'm not asking for anything from you.

You want to leave but you don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want don't want to take me.
Your face and the love from the linden trees,
And I remember your eyes.

Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-huu
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-haha [These are just sounds]

You want to leave but you don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want to take me, don't want don't want don't want to take me.
Your face and the love from the linden trees,
And I remember your eyes.

Sure, I'm not really that in to techno--or club music, or whatever the hell you wanna call it this week--but I feel sorry for this song. It's actually quite possibly the greatest Romanian booty call song of all time, but yet some fat guy on a webcam has made people so tired of it it may go down as a simple "one-flash wonder" situation. For shame.

Relish in the booty call-ness! Take notes! Think Picasso, be Picasso!

Happy Birthday to me...

Well, it's that day again. The day I've come to dread, as it has both ups and downs. For instance, on the negative side, in the past year alone...
1. My grandfather has died.
2. One of my childhood friends has died.
3. I've been unemployed.
4. TCC nearly fucked up my records. No, I take that back--they DID fuck them up until I straightened it out.
5. My dizzy spells have become more frequent and violent, and nobody can still tell me why I get them.
6. My lactose intolerance has returned.

Well, I could continue bitching and moaning all morning, but I'm sleepy, so I'll get to some of the good stuff.
1. I've been to San Antonio, and more importantly, the Riverwalk. Can't wait to see how my pictures turned out. It's been months, and I've been too lazy to get them developed.
2. I finally bought a Darth Vader helmet like I always threatened to.
3. I have a katana! :)
4. I've outlasted my father in matters of sobriety.
5. I've entered in to a new relationship. It's rocky as hell, or at least by my interpretation, but...it's nice to care about someone again.
6. I've lived long enough to see LotR and "H2G2" made in to movies.
5. As much as I was reluctant to play an online game with no PvP, I was finally talked in to playing City of Heroes...and it's actually pretty damn fun.

Well, that's enough. As I want to leave up so you can see how sleepy I am, I pulled a "5 6 5," so I should be getting my ass to bed. My life has been very boring relatively this past year...but it's had its moments.

Here's hoping I'll live another one.